Driving Us Crazy


Spreading the Dead: Sacrifices For Industry And The Open Road…

This is really something. People are still driving cars on this Earth. It’s the Wild Highway Era all over again. It’s like that song by Eternal Youth…

Man, if these wheels aren’t really cool?

Drive like you’ve got a brain, you fool!

Cruise control and food and drink

TV, phone, the kitchen sink

Why don’t people follow the rules?

Don’t you know it’s driving us

Crazy, I can’t stand the bus

Lazy, yeah I want that thrust!

It’s crazy me driving…

And someone doesn’t like it. Since mid-winter 33 cars have been attacked, assaulted and in most cases destroyed while in motion and as their drivers were engaged in conflict with a single suspect. And that single suspect was on foot.

Immigrant North Korean Park Kim is a good example of someone who hates irresponsible car drivers and even cars themselves. While on the stake out yesterday I looked into these things. Why would someone be so vengeful on drivers whose only common trait was a bit of reckless driving?

In my world most of the people born in my granddaughter’s generation have never driven a car and have no interest in doing so. But here, just like when I was a little kid, everyone owns and drives some kind of car. And everyone pays the price. The government forces people to buy private insurance. Body shops and mechanics gouge ignorant customers who need repairs. Governments demand annual registration fees instead of just a beginning fee and a notice of sale or termination. Parking rackets ticket folks every chance they get. Even legal parking costs several hours of wages per day. And those are the casual annoyances…

Out of the way, you’re on my nerves!

Hey what’s the problem, Officer?

Not one more horn let me hear

Windshield’s blind with insect smear

God I hope that truck doesn’t swerve!

 I’m demented lucidly

 A hundred years of industry

Behind the wheel’s the place to be

It’s crazy me driving…

The real kicker is the suffering of the injured and the acceptance of a death toll. No one is especially alarmed that in one nation alone over a 3-day weekend at least 439 people are going to be killed by doing what they do routinely.

If people believed and even statistically knew that terrorists were absolutely going to bring down a plane in the United States today killing 400 to 500 people, all air traffic would be grounded. A state of alert would be issued to shoot down any non-military aircraft. In fact if any transportation system were so guaranteed a disaster be it by sea, rail or horseback, those activities would be stopped faster than a card counter in Vegas.

A couple of hundred years ago it was taken for granted that everyone carried a weapon. Yet overall that was less deadly than everyone taking their cars for granted. Worse yet, the deaths are accidents without further meaning.

But the dead are spread out. The pockets of grief are isolated. Some deaths make the news, some the obituaries, some are never heard of. And it isn’t going to happen to “me.” What are the chances?

Well, take the aforementioned Park Kim. First a reckless driver killed his older brother. Then a street racer killed his favorite uncle. And then three high school friends died, again due to misuse of cars. When leading his grandma in a crosswalk one night a yellow sports car nearly ran them down. The scare frightened grandmother and her heart gave out. You might say it “drove” Park Kim over the top.

A visit to Park Kim exposes him as code name Car Fighter, a specialist in hand-to-car combat. This impresses even those in the Bureau who are thinking that I’m a little “off” lately. I get to go along but I have to stay in the car without a gun.

Unwilling to resist or go fugitive, Park Kim submits to arrest by my fellow agents.

Discussing the evidence that night at the Bureau before I’m off on leave, I learn that in 41 aggressive encounters with reckless automobile drivers, Kim has never been run down or out maneuvered. From his illustrated notebooks we figure he’s a master of car fighting moves such as the hood roll, the cannonball drop, the street hug, the roof jump, the spin run, handle sailing, trunk clunking and the hop, bounce and fall maneuver.

Kim’s arsenal includes a 7 Link Chain that can take out any windows and shear rooftops, an iron sledge that can crunch massive engines and break wheels in motion, and magnetic wear enabling switch-on attachment to metal parts.

Why did they build this road so straight?

Every ten miles it’s a new toll gate

Animals that try to cross

Tourists all mixed up and lost

Hitler should have suffered this fate!

You could say it’s driving me

Crazy, Officer, you’ll see

I can plead insanity

It’s crazy me driving…