The Incorruptibles


Protection. Service. Public officers.

11:02 PMpdt October 31 –

Incendiary explosions amid hundreds of thousands of costumed revelers on Hollywood’s Santa Monica Boulevard. Below, photos taken a moment before first blast then at the moment of that initial blast.


I have an oxygen/gas mask, infra-red eye shields, a three-setting electric baton and an automatic pistol with lethal-option cartridges. My boots can withstand heat, run on ice and kick through metal. You can drop an anvil on my foot if you want to make me mad.

11:07  PMpdt October 31 –

Fireballs reported in five locations long the street filled with costumed party goers. An outward spreading wave of tangled and trampled costumes seems to be catching and spreading flames.


I’m trained in judo, boxing, wrestling, kick boxing and dirty fighting. I can use effectively as a weapon any knife, any automatic weapon, batons, sticks, pencils, pens, shards of glass, rocks, electronic devices, belts, keys, credit cards, light bulbs, my teeth and dirt. Unless I’m being shot at I will charge violent criminals and engage you with with physical restraint if possible. I’m not afraid to fight you hand to hand or knife to knife. I’ll kill you quickly if necessary. I know exactly how, as a last resort.

11:21  PMpdt October 31 –

Chaos and multiple casualties reported from Hollywood resulting from stampeding crowds panicked by spreading fire.

I can fight fires, perform CPR, swim like a dolphin – okay, not quite that good but lifeguard good – negotiate, deescalate or instigate.

11:33  PMpdt October 31 –

Gunshots have been heard in the residential streets adjacent to Santa Monica Boulevard. Sniper fire on civilians fleeing the scene has been reported.

I’m not allowed to get overweight. Or underweight. I’m required to be physically able and anxious to chase your ass down and tackle you hard. The days of the fat, trigger-happy cop are over. And I don’t get to carry a gun unless I can regularly pass the sharpshooting test, every year. No gun, no field assignment.

11:46  PMpdt October 31 –

Three car bomb explosions have detonated in parked vehicles on streets adjacent to the event on North San Vincente, North La Cienega and Holloway Drive as emergency personnel and rescue workers try to reach victims of trampling and fire.

I want to help and I’ve found a way to do good and get paid for it. That’s hardly heroic as much as it is civic. Each one of us has something to contribute, whether it be action for order like me, or any other means of public service and protection.

11:53  PMpdt October 31 –

Photo of person suspected of detonating at least one fireball near this area, taken shortly before first event.


I’m a public officer. A pub. We’ve replaced the cops. We’re not tough guys any more. We’re not macho chest-thumpers throwing authority around just to make up for being bullied in grade school. We don’t dress like military wannabes or order people around like Nazi concentration camp supervisors. In fact, as a rule we don’t speak to the public first unless spoken to.

11:49  PMpdt October 31 –

“This thing has been getting more and more dangerous each year,” one of the deputies says as he tries to save fallen victims from being trampled.

11:53  PMpdt October 31 –

Six people reported dead from gunshot wounds near Willoughby and Crescent Heights Boulevard.

Running from the law has become a really strange and bewildering sport for getaway artists. They can drive for miles with no sign of pursuit but suddenly find themselves surrounded by roadblocks. That’s their best hope…

1201 AMpdt November 1 –

The Los Angeles mayor declares a state of emergency in the area of West Los Angeles and Hollywood south of the Hollywood Hills. Law enforcement and emergency personnel from surrounding areas respond.

12:04 AMpdt November 1 –

A gunfight has erupted between at least two armed snipers and law enforcement on Rosewood Avenue near San Vincente. One shooter has been killed or badly wounded.

12:17 AMpdt November 1 –

Fires break out in Hollywood Hills above the scene of chaos. Suspected arsonists reported seen running through area in black clothing carrying flares and bottles.

hollyood16halloween012:25 AMpdt November 1 –

Local hospitals and urgent care facilities are overwhelmed with victims of Halloween chaos. Outlying facilities prepare to receive victims by helicopter and ground transport.

If you’re ordered to stop, why not pull over and make your play now? I’m not going to get involved in a car chase with any vehicle that wants to speed away. Not necessary.

12:29 AMpdt November 1 –

911 calls go unanswered as emergency personnel are stretched to the limit. LAX and Amtrack are shut down and the metro subway system is evacuated in response.

12:36 AMpdt November 1 –

Suspect arrested while fleeing from North Hollywood metro station. Seen here in photo taken at 10:22 PM before the outbreak of violence.


We pubs have drones all along the highways and every few blocks in the city. If the static dronecams lose sight of the runaways, several will be launched into flight to follow. They’ll be guided by some comfortable public officers sitting in an air conditioned control room who’ll be happy to tail you all day while you waste your ammo trying to shoot down a growing swarm of drones. Once you’re settled, we’ll deliver the robots because you’re considered renegade from the law.

12:50 AMpdt November 1 –

Picture of confirmed victims taken shortly before disaster. Flammable costume parts and props contributed to the rapid spread of deadly fumes that overcame hundreds. Authorities in oxygen masks have entered the scene.


I can’t say things like “I feared for my life” if I kill someone. I’m not the type of person who reacts to danger like that. If I feared for my life I wouldn’t be a public officer. And if a particular incident occurs wherein I am endangered, I react as trained and without hesitation.

1:09 AMpdt November 1 –

Helicopter over area restricted due to rockets being fired from Hollywood Hills.

Our robots, also remotely driven by carefree public officers having coffee and bran muffins with a clean bathroom just down the hall, will close in on you and do whatever we want them to. You can shoot them or blow them up. We have plenty. But the drones get mad when you hurt their buddies, so a few of them might drop something nasty on you.

1:16 AMpdt November 1 –

Witnesses say this man, in a photo taken earlier with a prop utilizing a Japanese robot head, was concealing incendiary devices that he later detonated.

halloween91:31 AMpdt November 1 –

Kiss tribute band This! barely escaped disaster by being on break just before the first event, destroying the stage.

halloween42:02 AMpdt November 1 –

Among those reported missing are actress Adrienne Palecki.

halloween33:11 AMpdt November 1 –

Two men seen here earlier have been arrested on suspicion of terrorism.


Yeah, I’m all teched up and well funded for a career that may last as long as a decade. Each year of service instantly earns me an increased pension whenever I need to retire from the pubs. I almost said “retire from the force,” force of habit. We are not a police force.

3:14 AMpdt November 1 –

Fatalities include the mock rock group Abba Cadavers, performers at the event.


5:15 AMpdt November 1 –

Authorities are seeking the three men shown in this randomly taken photo at 10:43 PM on Halloween, or as people are now calling it, Helloween in Hollywood.

halloween126:31 AMpdt November 1 –

The morning after an unprecedented attack on the world’s largest Halloween celebration, authorities have identified five individuals being sought for questioning. Casualties have reached an estimate of 261 fatalities, most from burning and toxic smoke but others from being gunned down by snipers throughout the neighborhoods of West Hollywood and Hollywood, and still more resulting from three car bombs detonated as mobs fled from the chaos.

There is no indication of responsibility for the attacks as of yet. The suspects being sought have not been identified.

If killed or wounded in the line of duty I do not expect to be called “hero” nor do I believe it. I’m not trying to be heroic. I’m no one to use as a role model. I’m not fearless. I’m afraid of marriage and fatherhood both.

I’m just a simple pub.